hi me again
if people even care lemme esplain please
sooo.. my life has been pretty... amazing without the internet
or me always being constantly locked in my room, or on a electronic
when I started getting into electronics, after a while I got this fear of everything (not saying I don't still have that--)
it wasn't really everything... it was mostly talking to my family
I got so connected to random people, like I owed you guys something
like if I wasn't constantly chatting or making people art or making sure i stayed up to date on my youtube channel I would go crazy
I was so stressed
after a while it started to die down with being online so much... after umm... irl personal issues
that kinda started happening last year around the end of summer
I still felt guilty, guilty 24/7 about everything
I kept coming up with excuses and saying i'd be back or I just need time or I'm working
but this school year, my 8th grade class, it's probably been the best I have ever been in without my electronics
I made friends I absolutely adore
I got close with my family
I feel a tad bit more confident with myself
everything has just been.. better... without the constant guilt
and when I wanted to come back... it scared me
"ive been gone too long, they'll be mad" "they probably think I'm betraying them" "what if everything goes back to how it was before" (this is/was my biggest fear)
dealing with anxiety (NOT AN EXCUSE BUT IM BRINGING IT UP ANYWAY) it keeps me from doing so much
everything scares me, and i literally take everything in like a sponge
and my friends.... my online friends.. thats what scares me the most because I know... I K n o w I've been shrugging them off
why? they were apart of how bad everything was the past year and half
I am NOT sayin they were bad, they just got caught up in what I was feeling
in that year and half, it was great, until I stopped being on my computer or room so much and I realized how much better it was
and i didn't wanna go back
so... why did i explain all of this? once again, i feel like I owe a explantion
a excuse
and i wanna set some boundaries for myself because I don't, and I repeat DO NOT wanna end up like how I was before
1: no more online friends
I am not saying my current online friends arent valued, I just want no more. so please don't try to become friends with me.
2: limit yourself
you're doing alot of cool things irl too, don't forget that
3:stop setting online goals
just makes you disappointed, and you don't owe the internet anything
thats it.
I was really tempted to quite youtube since it is also a big part of my internet life. but i decided I'm not
I just... don't wanna interact with anymore people online. I will have a youtube, but I am no longer trying to make my subscribers feel like a "family"
I'm not gonna reply to every single comment anymore (this includes all forms of social media), and no more live streams ( i stopped that a long time ago but i still feel guilty about not explaining it)
I will still have sub specials though
and I am not trying to push myself into a schedule again. I upload and make content when I want too.
sorry if I upset some people (if you actually read) but this is for my own good if I am some what coming back to the internet