just scared to do anything now...
I guess I'll explain now since i've thought about it
why haven't I been on DA anymore??
I get scared. I get extremely scared to even reply to peoples messages. I don't know why. it is ecspecially bad when I owe art, it's like I know I should do it, but something keeps me from even making digital art unless I work on my owed art. I can't draw anything else unless it's that, so I guess I just avoid digital art in general until I'm done..... I'm sorry heh
and my youtube channel doesn't help, I feel so bad about not posting and when I post on here it's like I look selfish for not posting on my youtube channel
I haven't left deviant art because I know leaving won't help anything. I'm just going to feel even worse about leaving...
Whenever I'm out in public places I get so scared. especially when I took a shower the day before but not that specific day so I think I look disgusting to people. I'm not even joking about that h a
I get scared to play outside too, it feels like everyone is watching me, I can't even go to the park with my family without feeling so freaking uncomfortable, but I know people aren't there just to watch my every move but I can't help but feel scared..
and about my friendships, heh.... because I've gotten really bad about texting people... like extremely bad. I actually am pretty busy most of the time, but when I do have free time I still don't text... I don't even text people just to say something nice or check up or... I feel so responsible for everything thats happened, and I know its my fault!! I'm the one that looses all my friends... and i'm sorry if none of my online friends don't wanna be friends anymore.... I won't blame anyone
and my irl friendships heh. I actually made some friends I liked this year! I worked really hard to get out of my comfort zone, and it worked.... I think. it was mostly with the help of gaby, she has helped me.. a l o t
but I've also lost alot of irl friends this year because of my "not showing my appreciation enough"
I'm sorry... but it really is my fault, I never texted them and I always canceled on any plans they had cause i was just to scared...
I'm pretty sure they think I'm fake :/ idk anymore honestly, maybe I am
Im so scared about loosing my friends though, I feel like I am. I'm not good friends with anyone even after all this time... it feels that way anyway, and ugg I can't explain it.. I just think my friends are over me, and I'm scared
ya'll have no idea how many friends, best friends I've lost in my life. I feel like I just don't even really love anyone anymore like I used too....
how can someone go through so much heartbreak not just get numb?
I don't miss the friends I had made this year but the thought that I lost them makes me sad...
My friends are gonna leave me again and it scares me
the ones I actually have grown to love
I'm having to hold in anxiety attacks, and you probs think "how do you hold THAT in??? your probs faking them"
over the years I've taught myself how to hold in tears to look strong. my friends will probably tell you I don't cry to ANYTHING literally pain emotionally and physically.
I just don't cry
I have been v e r y close to just falling apart and breaking down but Luckily i've been trained by a professional and able to hold it in. Just don't ask me whats wrong, or are you okay cause thats a trigger word heh
literally even when I wanna cry, I don't
I'm so scared to do anything so I don't and I stand with what I say...